#22 It's good news time!

For those of you who have been following these sporadic postings you know it's been an uphill battle right from the beginning. We had the previous cancer history of both of Becky's parents and their "main stream" medical outcome. Point blank... they both died wasted away and penniless after the medical system had "done all they could do." Nice code speak for keeping them barely alive long enough to drain them of not only their dignity but also their life savings.

Becky flatly refused to follow that path when she found out she had cancer too. She had seen how well "modern" cancer treatment worked first hand and the sad fact is...... it usually doesn't. People who recover after traditional treatment seem to be the exception rather than the rule. Doctors and pharmaceutical companies don't make any money by curing you...... only by *treating* you... so there is no incentive to find a true cure in America.

Thus we began the slow and difficult investigation of alternative therapy options. The power of the FDA and big Pharma to intimidate, prosecute and imprison people for saying or writing things they don't approve of is frightening. (Hang on, gang, because the recent passage of S510 gives them far more power to control your life..... by controlling your food supply!) We had some false starts with therapies which were simply not powerful enough to combat what we were dealing with..... and we lost ground. More research and a couple of more trips in the wrong direction and we eventually started to make some progress.

Cancer has a few things going for it. #1 is that it is basically immortal. Once a defective cell changes enough to become cancerous the apoptosis (natural programmed cell death) stops. #2 is that it is highly adaptive. There isn't just one cancer... there are hundreds and they affect all parts of the body. #3 is almost complete environmental isolation. Cancer survives as a fairly isolated entity in an environment of it's own creation. It's mechanism for creating the energy it needs is totally different from what all normal cells utilize. It is also able to "hide" itself through chemical signals which make it invisible to the bodies normal immune system responses.

The treatment we eventually came to utilize targets as many of cancers unique properties as we can without having any one treatment compromise any of the other treatments. Everything has to work together for maximum benefit.

Becky's cancer is estrogen receptive..... meaning that it has the ability to convert estrogen into an energy source. That had to be dealt with so she takes an estrogen inhibitor called Arimidex. The immortality issue had to be addressed so we eventually settled on DCA to handle that task.

We started adding Oleander extract to accomplish two different tasks. One is to kill stray cancer cells should they be drifting around in her body attempting to settle in elsewhere. The second is that the Oleander interferes with atherogenesis which is cancers ability to cause the body to grow new blood vessels to support it as it grows.

We tossed Amygdalin into the mix to kill the cancer outright. This was taken via tablets but with those we had no way of verifying what *exactly* was in them. Might have been all fillers. So we use dried apricot kernels instead purchased from a Christian farm in Canada. With all these measures we were attacking the cancer from four different directions and attempting to target cancers various traits and weaknesses. To all of that we added supplements to support her immune system so it could deal with the treatment as well as help her effectively eliminate debris from her body. Many many of you.... added the power of prayer and for that we cannot thank you enough!

And now.... the GOOD news! On her last visit to the Oncologist he found that ALL of her cancer markers were down! The mass in her breast continues to shrink even if slowly. There is no sign of the cancer spreading to any of her internal organs either. Also the open sores that had appeared in her breast following the biopsy have all started to heal and grow closed. Even though we had declined conventional chemo and radiation at Baylor and even though we had declined the same therapy with our current Oncologist..... her cancer is still shrinking and being eliminated from her body. Her Dr. said he saw no reason to keep monitoring her monthly and we're going to go now every 2 to 3 months.

We both know that we're far from being out of the woods yet even though it is getting a bit brighter now. We will likely continue with our current therapy as formulated now for at least one to two more years. After that we'll likely keep it in place but at a lowered dose for the rest of her life as a prophylactic measure.

Meanwhile our focus is expanding to address other internal issues. I have made an appointment for her to see Dr. Liu who is a Dr. of traditional Chinese Acupuncture and herbal therapy. She also has 8 years and two degrees in "female" medicine. Our goal in seeing her is two fold. One is to bring her body back into balance so that it can more effectively combat the cancer that remains. The second is to address some female issues.

I consider Dr. Liu to be a miracle worker. I had suffered from various skin issues related to agent orange for over 20 years. The VA kept sending me home with more and more drugs to take..... but nothing ever improved. I stopped taking all the VA prescribed drugs and went to see Dr. Liu. She had my skin back to normal in less than 30 days! Over 6 years later and I'm still doing better than at any time the VA was "treating" me.

The estrogen inhibitor and some other issues have resulted in a rather significant decline in her sex drive. While normal aging and menopause can have a negative impact in that area most women still exhibit some interest in sexual activity even if at a reduced frequency. Going from normal activity to no activity, however, is neither typical nor normal.

The battle wages on but at least we seem to have the upper hand now and are making measurable progress. Becky has lost a significant amount of weight but is fairly stable now right around 160 pounds. That weight loss simply takes more stress off her system. She remains happy and positive about everything we're doing and is enjoying being back at work with her friends.

If nothing else our struggle, although far from over, indicates that everything you've ever been told about cancer and how to treat it is a lie. Many clinics and many doctors all over the world are treating cancer very differently from the "standard model" here in America and are having amazing results. All without the ugly side effects and dangers associated with Chemo, Radiation and Surgery. Becky never lost her hair, was ill but never the deathly sick that Chemo and Radiation cause. Her cancer has gone down from the size of a grapefruit to perhaps the size of a handball. Still large..... but shrinking rather than growing. Even with our success there are therapies that were left untried....... most simply due to expense. All that means is that IF we need them..... there are still other effective treatment options left for us to use.

She sees Dr. Liu on the 8th for her first visit. From my experience it can take a few weeks before the effects of the acupuncture and the herbal teas are noticeable in a significant way. Once they begin, however, changes occur fairly rapidly and can be dramatic. I'll keep you posted.

Until then.... be good to each other and may God bless.

#21 Minor Update - proper DCA dose & side effects

Hey, gang! I thought I'd provide an update based upon some recent developments with our alternative therapy.

As you'll recall one of the main items in our program is a substance known as DCA for short. This substance has been proven to re-awaken the mitochondria in cancer cells thus bringing on apoptosis or natural cell death. A slow process to be sure but a good thing none the less.

The dosage of DCA is a weight to milligram ratio. When we began use of this product Becky was above the 200 pound number on the scale. Based upon the numbers from an on line calculator her dose worked out to just shy of 1200 milligrams total for that weight.

Delayed light bulb moment here! As her weight declined so should have her dose..... a fact we both totally overlooked. Also we had decided that one capsule every 12 hours or so would ensure that there was always enough DCA circulating in her system so as to always be available to the cancer. Another OOPS moment. That initial 1200 mg dose was calculated to be taken once every 24 hours.... not 12. As her weight came down the dose should have followed to keep the same amount of DCA available in her system..... thus her dose NOW should be roughly 770 mg rather than the starting rate of 1200..... and certainly FAR less than the 2400 mg she was taking.

The effect of this higher than necessary dose rate has been the onset of a problem with her fine motor skills..... noticeable mostly by trembling hands. Additionally she had developed some peripheral neuropathy and also easily induced generalized fatigue. After spending several days researching everything she is taking for side effects and possible negative interactions with other medications and supplements I found the DCA connection.

Fortunately the "cure" for all those bothersome side effects is rather simple. Just stop taking the DCA for a little while..... three days minimum..... one to two weeks at the most. All those problems should be alleviated after that time and she can then resume the DCA at it's proper dose rate and level.

Thus we encounter again the dark side of alternative cancer therapy..... lack of good solid information due to the fear that either the American Cancer Society or the FDA.... or both are going to track you down and lock your ass up. (Yes... it happens all the time and has been going on for well over 60 years) There is very little "Freedom of speech" when the pocket books of large pharmaceutical companies are in danger of getting less money. Simply put.... your life and the lives of those you love come in a far distant second to profits for the drug companies and the power of the FDA.

Anyway.... if you are using or planning on using DCA keep a close eye on the weight of the patient. Change the total mg dose rate as necessary to compensate for fluctuations in total body weight. If you detect ANY of the symptoms noted above simply stop taking the DCA for a minimum of 3 days and monitor for the reduction of those symptoms. Use the DCA in concert with black tea and vitamin B1 to increase its effectiveness. If necessary adopt a program of DCA for three days followed by a three day break. Continue the black tea and B1 during the break.

Additionally..... remember that *everything* that enters your blood stream passes through your liver. The liver can become over taxed by both environmental toxins and debris resulting from dying cancer cells..... and needs to be maintained. One simple method is to squeeze the juice of one fresh lemon into an 8oz glass of filtered or purified water and drink that at the start of each day. During the day to can also take Milk Thistle to aid in cleansing and R-Alpha Lipoic Acid (R-ALA or just plain ALA) to help generate new liver cells and serve as a powerful anti-oxidant.

As always.... be good to each other.

Peace

#20 Slow progress

Hello again to everyone following along here. Sorry for the huge gaps between posts but, for the most part, fighting cancer is a lot like watching grass grow in reverse. On a day to day basis not a whole heck of a lot is noticeable so there's not much to write. Over slightly longer time spans though one can begin to note subtle changes.

We had another visit with the Oncologist at the Arlington Cancer Center today. He tried to push Chemo again and again Becky politely declined with the comment.... "That's our last resort." I suspect our anti-chemo attitude is ticking him off a little bit. While there is absolutely no way of knowing for certain..... there is a possibility that he could get some sort of kick-back from the drug companies for that type of therapy. That or the mark up just just so damn high that having a patient *not* taking it is a substantial pay cut.

Even with our continuing refusal of the Chemo he did tell us that the masses seem to be getting smaller. Our unspoken question was "Well... if the masses are getting smaller without the Chemo..... why would we want to start that protocol?" Also the ulcerations on her breast have begun to heal. Becky isn't sure if that's a good thing or not. She always felt they were something of a drain for stuff to escape. Nothing nasty ever did, however, so I view the healing over as yet another positive sign of our alternative progress.

Weight wise she is down to about 165 right now. Considering that when we met she was pushing 240 that's a considerable drop. Her dietary habits have changed some since then too and that's the most likely reason. She no longer guzzles 6 to 12 diet Cokes a day! (A shock to those of you who knew her back then I know) She's kicked a lot of the "bad food" habits and is eating more frequent, smaller healthier meals instead. Her joints, for the most part, bother her a lot less now. She still has to deal with a touch of bursitis in her left shoulder and hip joint though. If she could just keep from doing things to strain or injure those joints she'd be a lot better off.

Otherwise the only notable development was the sudden appearance of a painful red rash on her left side below her breast and around her side to just about half way to her spine. A steroid injection and some topical ointment seem to have taken the pain out of that and it's slowly fading away. She is still able to work every day and that is important to her mental health. She is simply not the sort of person who can sit around and do nothing.

On our visit to the local Dr. about the rash we had him address her painful urination issue. Come to find out she had a substantial urinary tract infection going on. A few days and several antibiotic pills later and she is happy to report the pain there is going away. That and the reduction in the rash both please me greatly because I sincerely hate to see and hear my Sweetheart in pain.

For now, however, we are continuing with mostly alternative therapy and it seems to be showing positive results. The Arimadex is our only nod towards conventional medicine here. As I explained previously it is an estrogen inhibitor and her particular cancer is estrogen receptive. Naturally we wish to deprive that cancer of as much support as we possibly can.... so she takes one Arimadex pill a day.

Beyond that there are items to stimulate her immune system and keep her liver functioning as well as possible. Additionally she takes Laetrile orally as well as using Oleander in a capsule form. The final weapon in our fight is the DCA powder which I put into capsules so she can take that too. Thus we are attacking the cancer on four different fronts with four different weapons. To date that seems to be working as well as can be expected.

As previously stated..... she didn't develop the cancer over night and it's not going to go away over night either. From a mainstream medical perspective she's already been cured. She was aware of the cancer 6 or 7 years ago and is still alive today..... doing better all the time too! Statistically once you know you have cancer and are still alive five years later..... you are considered cured. I guess that's because it takes Chemo and radiation five and a half to six years to kill you...... so they picked the safer number of five years as the official "cure" point. We do what we can each and every day and pray for the best.

Y'all take care of each other out there...... and remember to VOTE tomorrow!!! It's the only time you have to make your voice heard..... don't waste it.

For my opinions on things political try: http://moveondotblog.blogspot.com
Word of caution.... put on your thick skin and fasten your seat belt!

#19 Test results in her own words

We had the scans done last Wednesday. Becky was up in the air about them but ultimately it was a common sense decision to do them. With the sale of her company clearing the final hurdles the state of her health insurance is a question without an answer. Therefore we elected to proceed with the scans while we still have good coverage. Her blood tests cost $1350. The CAT scan and bone scans run roughly 10 times that much. Tough "pocket change" to come up with.

Anyway.... we got the results from the Dr. on Monday, the 27th, and here, in her own words, are Becky's thoughts on those results. Since this is a letter to a dear friend it will be edited slightly but not changed in content.

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Went to the oncologist today to get the results of the scans they did last week. I almost didn't have them done because I really feel like the radiation does more harm than the benefit from the info they get from them, but if I do lose my job there's no way we could afford them without insurance so I went ahead.

The CT scan showed no increased activity in the lungs, the spots that were there last year still are and about the same size, so I conclude no worries there. Absolutely no indication of mets to the liver, bladder, pancreas or stomach. The main breast mass is now actually a bunch of different smaller masses but he couldn’t answer our question as to which ones are actually active and which might be mostly dead tissue, except he said the “really black places indicate little or no blood supply” which to me says “dead”.

The bone scan showed about the same size and location of the T4/T5 vertebrae and ribs but there is now a lesion showing up on the T8. Also a lot of dye showed in the left shoulder and left hip which he reads as cancer. But those were the places I had treated this summer for bursitis and I think it may be the scar tissue from that picking up the dye. Also something in the right hip…but cancer? Don’t know.

He’s wanting to do more aggressive chemo and then radiation. Well, this is where I parted ways with the last doctor who said I wouldn’t live six months without that treatment and hmmmm, guess what?...that was almost a year ago and things don’t look much different. Still have breast cancer with bone mets, but unlike her dire prediction, my lungs and liver are NOT involved and I just don’t see the benefit of wrecking my immune system (basically for them to collect $12,000 a treatment for the chemo and who knows how much for the radiation?).

So, we have to weigh whatever possible advantages there might be to shrink the remaining breast mass with chemo then blast what’s left after surgery with radiation versus doing something I believe in and that will keep the rest of my body relatively healthy. The Dr.’s comfortable with what he knows and my basic point of view hasn’t moved much so Joe may be stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea on this one. I really think if he’d been with me with either of my parents there’d be no question.

For now, we’re going to continue the program we’ve been on the last 3 months since there is definitely nothing of a critical nature to deal with right now and we are seeing improvement.
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While that devil thing might be a bit scary..... I'm pretty darn comfortable in the deep blue sea so it's only half scary. While there have been many gains in cancer treatment since the struggle of her parents it's *still* the same big three. Poison, cut and burn. And there is a great deal to be said for the famous "placebo effect" too.

To used Becky's own words: "So, we have to weigh whatever possible advantages there might be to shrink the remaining breast mass with chemo then blast what's left after surgery with radiation versus doing something I believe in that will keep the rest of my body relatively healthy."

[emphasis added]

It matters little how effective any therapy is if the person receiving it has no faith in it's effectiveness. Conversely even in highly controlled medical studies a sugar pill often gives the same or better results than the test medication. If the person taking the treatment *believes* in the treatment then the odds of a successful outcome improve greatly.

For example..... my first wife had twisted her ankle and was in considerable pain. The V.A. had prescribed some rather powerful pain pills for me so I figured giving her one would be okay. Got to the medicine cabinet and discovered that I'd used them all. I finally found a regular unmarked aspirin and took that to her with a glass of water. I cautioned that it was a *very* powerful pain killer and that I was supposed to take 2..... but since she was much smaller than me 1 should do the job. She took the pill and lay down. 15 minutes later she was sound asleep and when she woke up 4 hours later said it barely hurt at all. She *believed* that I was trying to take care of her and *that* mattered more than anything she took.

This is the case here as well. Because there is only anecdotal evidence of the effectiveness of any of the alternatives we're using we can't point to clinical studies and trials or study definitive empirical evidence of effectiveness. SO based upon what people say about method X or therapy Y we form an opinion or a belief in the efficacy of the treatment. And once we form a belief that something *will* work for us then we dramatically increase the likelihood that it will. This belief component is actually a benefit to therapy that too many doctors of all stripe fail to put to full utilization.

Becky is improving and that's obvious even without the scans. She's typically upbeat and positive, has a great appetite, and is enjoying life day at a time. Her weight is down to about 172 due, in part, to dietary changes and a healthier life style. She looks great! (Something I tell her several times a day too!) As long as she's happy, positive and actively fighting the cancer then her wishes and desires lead the way. Marriage is a two way street..... and right now it's my job to support her any way I can.

Y'all take care of each other out there........

#18 A Big Step Forward

The 7Th of September marked a big step forward for Becky. With something akin to the exuberance of a child at Christmas she happily returned to work. She had prepped for the day with a minor shopping expedition to acquire some new pants to compensate for the 70+ pounds she has lost. She also got a new bag to tote all her essentials in..... her work "life support system" if you will.

Physically the weight loss has done her some good. Still a minor amount of pain in her hip now and then but overall both her hips and knees are giving her a lot fewer problems. She looks more healthy and also hasn't needed her "walking stick" for over a month now. All good news indeed!

While that is all wonderful there is still a huge reality check out there that has to be cashed. Point blank she still has breast cancer and will for some time yet. On the other hand we've had some wonderful success at shrinking the size of the tumor. It's not happening at break neck speed.... but then again it didn't just suddenly appear in her breast the size of a softball either. Took time to develop and it will take time to eliminate too.

While I never thought the pill the oncologist prescribed was going to be a "magic bullet" it was common sense that it couldn't hurt anything either. Since her cancer is estrogen receptive then it's only logical that if you reduce her estrogen level you hamper the growth of the cancer. To that estrogen inhibitor we're augmenting with DCA (see a previous post for the particulars on that product) and also with Oleander extract. Both have been shown to be effective against cancer but each works differently. Thus we are attacking the cancer on three fronts and with three weapons which each exploit a specific weakness of the tumor and it's growth mechanism. As long as those three seem to be working then we'll keep pressing forward.

We've still got a good supply of the MMS product too. That's the one which proved to be somewhat too effective at killing abnormal cells. Since it is so strong and so effective we're holding it in reserve in case we hit some sort of impasse in our progress and need a stronger weapon.

In case there is worry out there about the weight Becky has lost..... it's not from lack of appetite as is often the case with cancer patients. To the contrary she has a very healthy appetite indeed! At many meals she sitting there with a clean plate sipping her water and waiting on me to finish. I think it is a by product of changes to her basic diet in general and in eating things which are more healthy for her. Those changes are also a part of the overall cancer fighting plan so we're not concerned that some weight has come off.

We're not sure what is ahead of us but it does appear that we have turned a corner of sorts. The tumor mass seems to be on the wane..... Becky is healthy and happy otherwise.... and thrilled to be back at work with all her wonderful friends. Our course is ,however, dictated by what the cancer does.

At this point she's a candidate for surgery IF she thinks removal of the breast is her best option. Since the tumor IS shrinking then we see no harm in simply continuing what we're doing and monitoring the progress of this therapy. If, at some future date, we need to consider surgery then the mass will be that much smaller and the surgery far less radical. We see no downside at this point in time. Our outlook remains positive and hopeful.

#17 Late August Update

Apologies to everyone for not updating this sooner. Much (most actually) of this had been published from my laptop. Sadly ..... right after having the hard drive replaced and *finally* getting all my programs reloaded ..... the motherboard goes belly up. Since Becky was, at the time, having difficulty getting around we needed to get it fixed. The reality of that was that it would cost just over $400 .... and a new laptop can be had for under $300. She got a new laptop courtesy of her wonderful co-workers at Bowne. (Enough thanks cannot be extended!)

So now we have Sweetie resting in my easy chair for most of the day with her new laptop keeping that part of her lap NOT covered by kitties.... warm. I made the incorrect assumption that she was utilizing the new computer and some of her time to keep everyone updated on her progress. Wrong. Thus I shall attempt to rectify that oversight now.

Today is the 26th of August and we did have a visit with her oncologist today. Prior to this visit it was her judgment that various portions of the tumor mass seem to have receded. We got confirmation from the doctor that she was indeed correct about that! Needless to say we're both quite pleased to have heard that from him.

We're still using his prescription drug, Arimadex, and we are augmenting that with several alternative therapies. #1 on that list is DCA. That chemical works on cancer by awakening the mitochondria. (Cancer switches it off) Once awakened the cell can now resume a normal life cycle and die off. We are also adding #2 Laetrile and #3 Oleander extract.... .both of which directly kill cancer cells. Overall the combination seems to be working.... even if slowly. On the other hand the mass didn't get as large as it is over a period of weeks or months.... so it's not going to go away quickly either.

Her oncologist still tweaks her about taking regular chemo but since we're seeing progress, however slowly, with this methodology we'll stick with it for the time being. He says we could see faster shrinkage with chemo..... which is probably true. My thought is that regular chemo might be a good "ace up the sleeve" if we need to step up to something more potent should there be a reversal of progress.

Additionally we'll be getting a battery of tests and scans done on the 22nd of September. We've not done any of those for about a year so it's time to see what sort of progress we're making overall. Were such scans not prohibitively expensive it probably would have been helpful to have had some scans done right before we started on the Arimadex. Either way we'll know next month what things look like inside and we'll know if the results we're seeing in her breast are extending to the other sites which were initially involved as well. Obviously we are hoping that we've made progress there too.

While not much .... it's all the information I have to share at this point in time. OH! I nearly forgot..... Becky had been having some mobility problems. She had difficulty moving her left arm and severe pain in her left hip also. The hip problem made walking slow and painful. She'd taken to having to use a cane to help her get about. Happy to say the cane has been parked for the past three weeks and she's getting around well enough that she is planning to return to work soon!

I think I'll just end this on that high note. Y'all take care of each other out there!

#16 Head VS Brick Wall

It's the 28th of July as this is written and we're roughly a month into the "chemo" with the Arimadex pills. So far...... we're not seeing anything positive. Could the pills be working? Sure... anything is possible. Are they going to make a significant difference as a stand alone therapy? Highly doubtful. Might they make a difference if they were augmenting some of the alternatives we've used? More than likely.... yes!

That brings me to the nut of the problem in this installation. When the cancer was first positively identified Becky wanted absolutely nothing to do with traditional therapy. I agreed to support her decision to use alternatives instead. Due to the general lack of information and any attempt by traditional medicine to properly test and evaluate alternatives...... finding the *right* alternative for your situation is simply a matter of trial and error. (sad as that is)

We made some judgment errors due mainly to that lack of information. (Thank you FDA, AMA, and all the rest of the FOR PROFIT cancer machine!) Our early selections were far too weak for the advanced stage of Becky's particular cancer and that cost us valuable time and money. After much trial and error, however, we did find a therapy that proved so effective that we had to scale back the doses to keep Becky from going toxic again.

At about that point in time we also figured that if the main tumor was removed we'd have a much better chance of defeating the rest of the cancer.... some of which is in her spine and other bones. NOT having to try to kill off a mass the size of a softball would free the alternative therapy to work more effectively on what remained no matter where it was. Thus we tiptoed back into the murky waters at the edge of the big pond that is main stream medicine and cancer treatment. We choose to stay with DO's rather than MD's as they tend to be more open to alternative ideas. One DO. agreed to remove the tumor *IF* we could manage to shrink it down somewhat and sent us to another DO. who is an oncologist.

So now we're back to where Becky never wanted to go.... and that's some form of main stream "Chemo" and a bit of traditional therapy. This started out somewhat adversarial but the pills are not like a bag of poison in the arm and are rather small to boot. When we got home that first night Becky typed a letter to all the Dr.'s letting them know of her intention to continue with the last alternative therapy we'd found along with the new pill. We either mailed or delivered all those letters. After that she followed her new plan for about two days...... then quit doing anything except taking the new pill.

A week or so later I got her to at least take some supplements that she had been taking.... anything to help keep her immune system healthy. She does not, however, seem to have any inclination to continue with the chlorine dioxide therapy at any dose rate. Since that decision she is in more pain..... mostly in her left hip. That may or may not have anything to do with the cancer..... we simply do not know at this point. It does seem reasonable, however, since we already know it has spread to some other bones. That being said... it could still be arthritis or bursitis just as easily.

Last night she complained that she hurt all over. Her *skin* hurt her from head to toe. I have not had time to research what that could possibly be yet.... but I will make time to do that later on today. My headache comes from trying to get Becky to do anything beyond the little pill to preserve her life and get rid of the cancer. Frustrating is far too mild a term for the emotion. It's almost like, "I'm going to prove this little pill won't work if it's the last thing I do!" Problem is that with cancer.... it damn sure could be..... and that truly scares me. (If you know me then you know that the list of things that truly scare me can be enumerated on one hand with several fingers left over)

Becky is not only the love of my life...... she's my best and closest friend. I adore her and do my best to make sure she knows that each and every day too. And while I know that she loves me too there is beginning to be something of a contradiction. Is your desire to be with the person you love strong enough to cause you to fight for that life together? I ask myself that each day she fails to do everything in her power and control to beat the cancer. As it has been said by people wiser than I...... "Dying is easy........ it's living that takes courage." I fought the misery of agent orange for over 20 years. I'm the lone survivor of my team in Vietnam mostly because I'm too damn stubborn to quit. Living isn't always easy....... but it always beats the alternative.